"Zee Chef"
by Bruce Heard
Have you ever tasted a dish so fine that you tried to make it yourself,
but couln't quite duplicate the recipe? Recent research has
unearthed a great culinary secret -- the finest chefs are actually
spellcasters, and the secret ingredient in their recipes is a touch
of
magic. Now, for the first time, the powers and abilities of the chef
are presented below, so that you can add some delicious sorcery to
your own campaign world.
The Class: The chef is a NPC devoted to furthering
the culinary arts and learning more about native delicacies.
Chefs may be of any humanoid race, but they are rarely encountered
in the wilderness, preferring civilized locations to practice
their trade. Chefs are usually found in smoky and sooty lairs called
kitchens, frequently in the employ of high-ranking nobles who can
afford to pay the salaries they demand.
Requirements: A chef must have strength, intelligence, and
constitution scores of at least 9, and a chef with an intelligence
of 16
or more gains a 10% bonus to earned experience. Although they
may be of any neutral alignment, very few chefs show the distinctive
behavior of evil. The experience requirements and spell
abilities for the chef class are detailed on the table below.
Experience Progression: The chef's special techniques are
closely related to those of the alchemist, involving the mixing of
various ingredients to obtain a specific product. But the chef's creations
are intended to be eaten...and enjoyed. Chefs improve their
abilities by creating new dishes from rare substances, and their
secrets are closely guarded.
To become a 1st level common cook, the cook's boy must bring
his master an uncommon ingredient and participate in the preparation
of the final product. (Cook's boys frequently offer their culinary
services to adventuring parties ffree of charge in the hopes of
finding such an ingredient to start their careers.) Thereafter, the
chef gains 2 XP per gold piece earned for their services.
Chefs may also earn XP for inventing new recipes.
The base chance for success in preparing a new dish is 60% + 5%
per chef level. This is modified by -10% per 1000 XP value of each
special ingredient. (Normal ingredients have a negligible XP
value.) If the chef is successful, the new recipe may be recorded into
the Cook Book. Thereafter, the chef gains a 30% bonus to the
chance of success for subsequent attempts to prepare the same dish.
The DM secretly checks for success each time the recipe is
attempted, and applies appropriate penalties for failure according
to
the chosen ingredients.
The chef gains the XP value of any substance used in a new
creation, in addition to the XP for extra cash payments. For example,
Chef Armand discovered how to distill "Imperial Purple Worm
Liquor" and his Duke rewarded him with an extra 500 gp for his
brilliant invention. The XP award is: 4,900 + (500 x 2) = 5,900 XP.
Chefs may trade or sell recipes and spells amongst themselves as
desired. No experience is awarded for traded spells, but recipes
acquired in this manner are worth half their original XP value,
awarded upon the first successful preparation of the dish.
Abilities: All chefs have the innate ability to determine the
presence
of poison in food by smell lor taste. The chance of success is
25% + 3% per chef level.
At 15th level, the chef gains the ability to brew magic potions as a
7th level magic-user. A Grand Cordon-Bleu will usually retire from
the futility of human civilization and find an isolated abode, there
to create rare dishes that no being of lesser sensitivity could ever
appreciate...
Combat: Although chefs do not usually resorrt to violence, combat
is sometimes necessary in self-defense or to acquire rare ingredients.
Chefs fight on the Thief Combat Table, and are proficient in
the following weapons, as well as the dagger:
| Weapon | Damage |
| Butcher Knife, chopper or other sharp kitchen tool | 1d6 |
| Large ladle, frying pan, rolling pin or other blunt kitchen tool | 1d4 |
Restrictions: The chef's philosophy is to further the cause of
good and enjoyable nutrition; therefore, the use of poison is strictly
forbidden. Anyone caught attempting to serve poisonous food or
introduce poison into an edible substance (especially a chef's culinary
creation) will be dealt with severly by the chef in charge.
| Level | Experience | 6-sided Dice for Accumulated
Hit Points |
Level
Titles |
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 |
| 0 | 0 | 1d2 | Cook's Boy | - | - | - | - |
| 1 | 1 -- 1,000 | 1 | Common Cook | 1 | - | - | - |
| 2 | 1,001 -- 3,000 | 2 | Cook | 2 | - | - | - |
| 3 | 3,001 -- 6,000 | 3 | Baker | 2 | 1 | - | - |
| 4 | 6,001 -- 10,000 | 4 | Head Cook | 3 | 1 | - | - |
| 5 | 10,001 -- 15,000 | 5 | Steward | 3 | 2 | - | - |
| 6 | 15,001 -- 25,000 | 6 | Royal Steward | 3 | 2 | 1 | - |
| 7 | 25,001 -- 40,000 | 7 | Imperial Steward | 4 | 2 | 1 | - |
| 8 | 40,001 -- 60,000 | 8 | Warden of the Banquets | 4 | 3 | 1 | - |
| 9 | 60,001 -- 90,000 | 9 | Chef | 4 | 3 | 2 | - |
| 10 | 90,001 -- 130,000 | 10 | Master Chef | 4 | 3 | 2 | 1 |
| 11 | 130,001 -- 180,000 | 10 + 1 | 11th Level Master Chef | 5 | 3 | 2 | 1 |
| 12 | 180,001 -- 250,000 | 10 + 2 | 12th Level Master Chef | 5 | 4 | 2 | 1 |
| 13 | 250,001 -- 350,000 | 10 + 3 | 13th Level Master Chef | 5 | 4 | 3 | 2 |
| 14 | 350,001 -- 500,000 | 10 + 4 | 14th Level Master Chef | 5 | 4 | 3 | 2 |
| 15 | 500,001 -- 700,000 | 10 + 5 | Grand Cordon-Bleu | 6 | 4 | 3 | 2 |
Spell Casting: Chefs gain and use their spells much like magic-users.
Both new spells and recipes are recorded into the Cook Book,
and each morning the chef chooses spells to memorize for the day.
Chef Spells
Affect Normal Fires (Alteration)
Level: 1
Range: 1/2"*
Duration: 1r*
Components: v.s
Casting Time: 1s
Saving Throw: None
Area of Effect: 3' diameter fire
Explanation/Description: This spell is the same as the 1st level
M-U spell of the same name.
Create Condiments (Alteration)
Level: 1
Range: 1"
Duration: P
Components: v.s.m
Casting Time: 1r
Saving Throw: None
Area of Effect: S
Explanation/Description: The caster can create one bag of salt and
one bag of pepper, each weighing 1 pound per level.
MC: A small salt box.
Create Wine (Alteration)
Level: 1
Range: 1"
Duration: P
Components: v.s.m
Casting Time: 1 r
Saving Throw: None
Area of Effect: Up to 27 cubic feet
Explanation/Description: This is the same as the 1st level
clerical spell create water, except that wine is produced instead.
Dancing Bites (Conjuration/Summoning)
Level: 1
Range: 1"*
Duration: 5r + 1r*
Components: v.s.m
Casting Time: 1r
Saving Throw: None
Area of Effect: 20' diameter sphere
Explanation/Description: When the chef casts this spell, 1d10 small
mouths appear in the air and start eating away at any food, rations,
garbage, bones, etc. within the area of effect...an excellent trash
disposal method for sloppy cooks. The mouths cannot be used to
attack creatures.
MC: A tooth.
Edible Glamour (Illusion/Phantasm)
Level: 1
Range: 1"
Duration: P
Components: v.s.m
Casting Time: 5s
Saving Throw: None
Area of Effect: One dish
Explanation/Description: This spell can be used to decorate a dish,
to impart a special flavor, or even to create faint sounds (like the
sound of crispy bread, popping, crackling, bubbling, etc.), at the
choice of the caster. It has no effect on creatures, and is permanent
until the food is destroyed or eaten.
MC: A pinch of paprika.
Fast Foods (Alteration)
Level: 1
Range: 0
Duration: P
Components: v.s.m
Casting Time: Instant
Saving Throw: None
Area of Effect: S
Explanation/Description: This spell is equivalent to a clerical create
food & water, except for the following additional effects:
The food
produced will come in small boxes; the juicy food will always be
between two buns; and the drink is a bubbling black liquid. Note
however that this spell variant has never been totally mastered, and
a possible side effect may occur. There is a 5% chance per box
created that it will be empty when opened, and a horrible alien
voice will shriek, "Huerzdabeeph?".
MC: One fried potato.
Read Culinary Magic (Divination)
Level: 1
Range: 0
Duration: 2r*
Components: v.s.m
Casting Time: 1r
Saving Throw: None
Area of Effect: Special
Explanation/Description: This is the equivalent of a regular read
magic
spell, except that it empowers the caster to understand a chef's spell
or an unknown recipe instead of normal magic. The chef automatically
receives this spell upon reaching Level 1.
MC: A jelly prism.
Spectral Smell (Alteration)
Level: 1
Range: 1"*
Duration: S
Components: s.m
Casting Time: 1s
Saving Throw: Negates
Area of Effect: One creature or item
Explanation/Description: This spell imparts a pleasant smell to any
creature or item on which it is cast. The smell is appetizing to whatever
creature type is most numerous within a 100' radius of the target.
Creature targets are permitted a save vs. spells to
avoid the effect.
MC: One drop of vanilla extract.
Cream Tarts (Evocation)
Level: 2
Range: 6" + 1"*
Duration: S
Components: s.m
Casting Time: 1s
Saving Throw: S
Area of Effect: 1 or more creatures in a 10' x 10' area
Explanation/Description: Except as noted, this spell resembles the
M-U's magic missile. Instead of missiles, cream tarts spring
forth from the caster's hands and automatically hit the designated
target(s). Although they do no damage, victims must save vs. spells
or be blinded by the cream for the following round.
MC: A cream tart.
Conjure Hunger & Thirst (Abjuration)
Level: 2
Range: 1"*
Duration: 1r*
Components: v.s.m
Casting Time: 1r
Saving Throw: S
Area of Effect: 30' diameter sphere
Explanation/Description: This spell will affect one HD (or level) of
creatures within the area of effect per level of the caster. The
affected creatures feel extremely hungry and/or thirsty (at the
choice of the caster) for the duration of the spell, and must save
vs.
spells or charge in the direction of the closest source of food, consuming
as much as they can, or fighting for the food if there is not enough
for all.
MC: A fried chicken leg.
Fools Foods (Alteration)
Level: 2
Range: 1"
Duration: 1t*
Components: v.m
Casting Time: 1s
Saving Throw: None
Area of Effect: Special
Explanation/Description: This spell creates an appetizing meal for a
number of creatures equal to the caster's level. The illusionary food
will disappear after the spell duration expires, but those who ate
it
will feel as satisfied as they would after a normal meal...a proven
success for those on a diet!
MC: A picture of the desired meal.
Magic Jam (Alteration)
Level: 2
Range: 1"*
Duration: 1t*
Components: v.m
Casting Time: 1s
Saving Throw: None
Area of Effect: (1 square foot)*
Explanation/Description: When the chef casts the spell, a large
patch of jam resembling an ochre jelly appears on the designated
spot. Those who step on it are hopelessly stuck, unless they are able
to take off their boots (or equivalent) and jump off. The jam may be
removed by applying 1d6 points of fire or acid damage per square
foot, but any creature stuck in it at the time will suffer an equivalent
amount of damage.
MC: 1 spoonful of jam.
Pepper Cloud (Evocation)
Level: 2
Range: 3"
Duration: 1r*
Components: v.s.m
Casting Time: 2s
Saving Throw: S
Area of Effect: 2' x 2' x 2' cloud
Explanation/Description: This spell is equivalent to the M-U's
stinking cloud, except that the victims will sneeze and choke
for the duration of the spell. (A successful save vs. spells
will negate the effect). The spell affects any creatures entering the
cloud, regardless of level or HD.
MC: A bag of pepper.
Preserve Food & Drink (Alteration)
Level: 2
Range: 0
Duration: (1 week)*
Components: v.s.m
Casting Time: 5r
Saving Throw: None
Area of Effect: 100 lb. of food or drink
Explanation/Description: This dweomer empowers the chef to
preserve up to 100 pounds of food or drink for a period of 1 week
per level of the caster. The spell is usually cast on fresh meat or
vegetables, but if used against a living creature, the effect is treated
as if a cone of cold. Victims at 0 HP or below suffer no further
damage, but are "preserved" for the duration, i.e. no decay
will occur. (Several spells could be necessary for heavier creatures.)
At the end of the spell duration, the creature "preserved" permanently
loses 1 pt of constitution (or 1 HD, whichever applies) and
must immediately be brought back to a positive number of HP
or death will occur. Preservation will stop any regenerating or
other biological processes.
MC: 1 drop of vinegar.
Produce Flame (Alteration)
Level: 2
Range: 0
Duration: 2r*
Components: v.s.m
Casting Time: 4s
Saving Throw: None
Area of Effect: S
Explanation/Description: This spell is equivalent to the 2nd level
druid spell of the same name, except that the material component
required is one drop of oil.
Spice (Alteration)
Level: 2
Range: 1"
Duration: 1t*
Components: v.s.m
Casting Time: 1s
Saving Throw: Neg.
Area of Effect: One dish or creature
Explanation/Description: This spell is usually cast on food to give
it
a special flavor. However, if cast on a living creature, the latter
must save vs. spells or turn deep red (with steaming pouring from
his ears), breathe once as a young dragon in the direction he was
facing when the spell was cast, and run to the nearest source of
liquid to jump in.
MC: A pinch of cayenne pepper.
Transmute Stone to Jelly Beans (Alteration)
Level: 2
Range: 3"
Duration: 1t*
Components: v.s.m
Casting Time: 1 r
Saving Throw: S
Area of Effect: (1 cubic foot)*
Explanation/Description: This spell enables the caster to change the
specified volume of earth, sand, mud or stone into small jelly beans.
The beans will instantly revert to their original form if they get
wet,
which may create severe digestive problems for anyone who has
eaten them.
MC: 1 large candy bag.
Explosive Prunes (Alteration)
Level: 3
Range: 0
Duration: 1r*
Components: v.s.m
Casting Time: 2s
Saving Throw: None
Area of Effect: S
Explanation/Description: This spell causes one magical prune per
level of the caster to materialize in a pouch. Each prune will
explode for 1d4 points of damage if thrown, crushed, or chewed.
Unused prunes will disappear when the spell duration expires.
MC: A leather pouch.
Food Fight (Enchantment/Charm)
Level: 3
Range: 0
Duration: 1r*
Components: v
Casting Time: 1s
Saving Throw: Neg.
Area of Effect: 100' diameter sphere
Explanation/Description: This spell is generally used in places
where people or creatures gather to eat. When the caster screams
"Food fight!", all creatures in the area of effect must immediately
start fighting each other with whatever food is available, until there
is no food left or until the spell duration expires. The caster is
not
affected.
Food Trap (Alteration)
Level: 3
Range: 1"
Duration: Permanent until discharged
Components: v.s.m
Casting Time: 1r
Saving Throw: None
Area of Effect: One dish or drink
Explanation/Description: This spell will affect any one particular
dish or drink, causing any creature that consumes the affected
material to save vs. spells or hiccup violently for a number of
rounds equal to the caster's level. No spell casting, intelligible
speech, or use of breath weapons is possible, and the victim is at
-2
on all "to hit" rolls while so affected.
MC: 1 cream puff.
Gourmet Touch (Alteration)
Level: 3
Range: 1"
Duration: P
Components: v.s.m
Casting Time: 5s
Saving Throw: None
Area of Effect: 10 lb. of matter
Explanation/Description: This spell transmutes 10 pounds of non-living
matter into edible material according to type, as shown
below:
Minerals: sugar, caramel, candies
Metals: fruit or vegetable pulp (at the choice of the caster)
Hard vegetables: cakes, biscuits, chocolate
Non edible flesh: edible meat of distinctive colour and taste
Other: ice cream or other sweets
<format above into a table>
MC: A can of caviar.
Heat Metal (Alteration)
Level: 3
Range: 4"
Duration: 7 rounds
Components: v.s.m
Casting Time: 4s
Saving Throw: None
Area of Effect: S
Explanation/Description: Thiis spell is the same as the 2nd level
druid spell of the same name, except that when the metal temperature
reaches "hot", a steam of vapor will issue forth with a whistling
sound, similar to a teakettle.
MC: A teabag.
Locate Food (Divination)
Level: 3
Range: 6" + 1"*
Duration: 1r*
Components: v.s.m
Casting Time: 1t
Saving Throw: None
Area of Effect: S
Explanation/Description: This spell will function as the 3rd level
cleric spell locate object, except it detects only edible food
or drinks
of a specified kind. It may be used by the chef to find precious
(future) ingredients.
MC: An ancient menu card.
Neutralize Poison (Alteration)
Level: 3
Range: T
Duration: 2r*
Components: v.s.m
Casting Time: 5s
Saving Throw: None
Area of Effect: Creature touched
Explanation/Description: This spell is the same as the 3rd level
druid spell of the same name, except that the material component is
1 gallon of milk.
Purify Food & Drink (Alteration)
Level: 3
Range: 3"
Duration: P
Components: v.s
Casting Time: 1r
Saving Throw: None
Area of Effect: (1 cubic foot)*, 1" square area
Explanation/Description: This spell is the same as the 1st level cleric spell of the same name.
Sudden Craving (Enchantment/Charm)
Level: 3
Range: T
Duration: Until fulfilled
Components: v.s.m
Casting Time: 1s
Saving Throw: Neg.
Area of Effect: One creature
Explanation/Description: Similar to the quest spell in many respects,
the caster may cause one creature to seek a specific type of food to
the exclusion of all other activities unless a saving throw vs. spells
is
successful. The caster must speak to the victim (in a language it can
understand) and suggest a dish, drink, or ingredient (that may still
be alive), with a superabundance of appetizing descriptions. The
victim will feel a sudden craving for the food described, seek it out,
and do whatever is necessary to obtain and devour it.
MC: A slice of cake.
Spaghetti Curse (Evocation)
Level: 3
Range: (1/2")*
Duration: S
Components: v.s.m
Casting Time: 2s
Saving Throw: Neg or 1/2
Area of Effect: S
Explanation/Description: When this spell is cast, huge strands of
pasta appear in the area designated by the caster, creating an effect
exactly like the M-U's web spell, except as noted above. Two
spectral bards with stringed instruments appear near the pasta web
and begin to sing in an unknown tongue. If the victim breaks free,
the two bards will follow and sing until dispelled or given sufficient
money (DM's option as to how much is enough).
MC: A strand of dried spaghetti.
Cocoademon (Conjuration/Summoning)
Level: 4
Range: 1"
Duration: Permanent until dispelled
Components: v.s.m
Casting Time: 3 hours
Saving Throw: None
Area of Effect: S
Explanation/Description: With this spell, the chef creates a 10" tall
demon-like creature made of chocolate, which can obey simple
instructions from its creator (such as carrying light objects, stealing
a small item, sounding an alarm in case of an unexpected visit,
etc.). The cocoademon is of low intelligence and, though loyal to its
creator, it likes practical jokes and causing mischief (but hates hot
temperatures). It has 1 hp per level of the caster and an AC of 10.
MC: 3 pounds of chocolate.
Fry (Evocation)
Level: 4
Range: 10" + 1"*
Duration: Instantaneous
Components: v.s.m
Casting Time: 3s
Saving Throw: 1/2
Area of Effect: 2" radius sphere
Explanation/Description: This spell is equivalent to the M-U's
fireball, except that instead of producing a blast, it fries
everything
in a 30 cubic foot area for 1d6 points of damage per level of <correct
this line>
the caster (save vs. spells for half damage).
MC: An "asian cocktail".
Mashmorph (Conjuration/Summoning)
Level: 4
Range: 1"
Duration: 1r*
Components: v.s.m
Casting Time: 1r
Saving Throw: None
Area of Effect: S
Explanation/Description: This spell summons a powerful spirit
from one of the outer planes to form a 5' tall white creature that
moves at 12". At command of the caster, it will jump on a designated
target and attack for 1d10 points of damage per successful
hit. At the end of the spell duration, it returns to the marshmallow
plane whence it came, along with the spell components.
MC: 1 pouch of marshmallows.
Simulacrumb (Illusion/Phantasm)
Level: 4
Range: T
Duration: P
Components: v.s.m
Casting Time: S
Saving Throw: None
Area of Effect: One creature
Explanation/Description: The effect of this spell is equivalent to
that of the 7th level M-U spell simulacrum, except that the
duplicate
is created from bread or similar material.
MC: 5 loaves of bread.
Spiritual Tenderizer (Invocation)
Level: 4
Range: 3"
Duration: 1r*
Components: v.s.m
Casting Time: 5s
Saving Throw: S
Area of Effect: One opponent
Explanation/Description: This spell is similar to the 2nd level clerical
spell spiritual hammer, except that it also reduces the target's
AC by 1 point per successful hit. If the victim reaches AC
10, it is "tenderized" and falls unconscious for 1d6 turns, after
which the AC returns to normal and the victim awakens.
MC: A meat mallet.
Stuff (Evocation)
Level: 4
Range: 1"*
Duration: S
Components: v.s.m
Casting Time: 2s
Saving Throw: S
Area of Effect: One dish or creature
Explanation/Description: This spell creates up to 5 pounds of bread
stuffing per level of the caster. If cast on a living creature, the
stuffing
will materialize inside the stomach, forming a large, prominent
belly. The amount of stuffing a creature can safely "contain"
depends on its size; 1/2 pound per foot is sufficient to satisfy
hunger. Amounts over this limit cause the victim to fall asleep for
24 hours to digest the extra food; and stuffing in excess of twice
the
amount needed to satisfy hunger will kill the victim instantly unless
a save vs. spells is successful. (A successful save indicates that
the
excess stuffing has materialized on a plate outside the victim's
body.) Halflings are immune to the baneful effects of the spell.
MC: A bread cube.
As a reference, here is the menu of a dinner party served during a
seminar of the Magocrats of Zhor.
MENU
| Griffon Quiche Supreme | Troll Steak a la Tartar served with Sweet Algae Rolls |
| Sparkling Purpleberry | Salad of the Bard |
| Golden Apple Pie Excellence | - |
The meal should be served with the memorable chilled wine of
the Zhor monastery.
Below are the the instructions for preparing the sample menu.
Each recipe serves five.
Griffon Quiche Supreme
1. Fetch 1 griffon egg and beat until foamy.
2. Prepare regular quiche crust.
3. Mix 1 quart of whale milk with the beaten griffon egg.
4. Add 5 ounces of leucrotta cheese, a pinch of nutmeg, and a powdered
treant leaf. Season with salt and pepper.
5. Bake until golden, cast a spectral smell, and serve warm.
Sparkling Purpleberry
1. With a ladle, drop five baby gelatinous cubes into five crystal
glasses.
2. Pour the juice of one lemon over the cubes and let them exude thier
digestive fluids for 6 hours.
3. Absorb the fluids with a silk cloth.
4. Chill cubes and, immediately before serving, add five drops of ogre
mage blood and a pint of vintage sparkling liquor.
5. Stick a purpleberry on top of each cube and serve cold.
Troll Steak a la Tartar
1. Catch a troll (preferably young and tender)
2. Quickly chop and grind 3 pounds of tenderloin.
3. Burn remaining parts or adequately preserve.
4. Soak ground tenderloin in a cooked earth pot of fermented green
slime vinegar.
5. Cover and let rest for 3 days so both attacking and regenerating
effects permanently subside.
6. Hand shape stabilized tenderloin into 5 round patties, each with
a depression in the center.
7. Add a pinch of salt and pepper and cast a spice.
8. Break a giant slug egg on each serving portion and serve at room
temperature.
Sweet Algae Rolls
1. Pluck 10 strangle weeds from the local moat.
2. Grind and allow the residue to ferment for a week.
3. Fry rapidly and arrange 10 portions the shape of the rolls.
4. Cover with Bluemoon Sauce and serve with main course.
Salad of the Bard
1. Finely mince one pound of fresh shrieker.
2. Cast an edible glamour, and season with salt and pepper.
3. Serve in a bowl with vinegar, mustard and oil dressing.
(If the shrieker is fresh enough, each mouthful should produce pleasant
whistling sounds.)
Golden Apple Pie Excellence
1. Melt 3 true golden apples (Hesperides brand if possible).
2. Add 1 drop of mercure and 1/3 cup of dried ochre jelly stabilizer.
3. Cast a gourmet touch for apples and a neutralize poison
(for the mercure).
4. Pour the golden apple sauce into 3 apple molds and cool.
5. Slice hardened apples and prepare pie normally.
6. Add a pinch of cinnamon and bake.
7. Serve warm with freshly whipped cream.
(The golden apples slices should retain their original gold tint,
and hvae the consistency of normal apples.)
