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| Dungeons & Dragons | - | The Dragon #13 | - | Dragon magazine |
Cell of mine
It's a lov-a-ly home
I will not roam
But stay here in my domain and guard
All the gold
In the marvelous chest
Its worth is more than Croesus' store
Or the glories of Rome, in my low-a-ly home
Slimey walls
And 17 stalls
For one who calls
And my mason who drawls
to me
Vincent Price, and E. A. Poe
Would be at home, with the mortar and loam
And my 16 small stalls, in my slimey old walls
Lovely gold
So shiny and cold
A hero bols
Tried to steal it, took hold
Of the box
Now he's stiff as an oaken board
His magic glaive no more he'll wave
And he's covered with mold, near my lovely old gold
D&D Monsters' Drinking Song #1
(by Stone)
(tune of Rosin the Bow)
There once was a dragon named Sophie
A young lass of 82
Knew nothing of the pleasures of Sin, boys
As pure as the sweet morning dew
As part of the sweet morning dew, my lads
As pure a sthe sweet morning dew
Knew nothing of the pleasures of Sin, and
Nothing of what she should do.
Then came to the dungeon a wizard
A young lad both handsome and proud
He charmed our pure Sophie so cruel
She thought she was up on a cloud
She thought she was up on a cloud
She thought she was up on a cloud
He charmed our pure Sophie so cruel, a
Crime that the DM allowed
She surrendered herself to the wizard
Whose lusts were horrid and vile
She believed in his sweet honied words, and
Her poor body he did defile
Her poor body he did defile
Her poor body he did defile
She believed in his sweet honied words, she
Dallied with him for a while
The wizard then jilted our Sophie
Her heart it swelled up and did break
Her tears drowned out 13 levels
And the wizard she cursed for a rake
The wizard she cursed for a rake
The wizard she cursed for a rake
Her tears they drowned out 13 levels, she
Swore that her life she would take
A white dragon was our poor Sophie
Whose heart was washed up on a rock
She held her sad breath and turned blue, and
Died of a massive class shock
Died of a massive class shock
Died of a massive class shock
She held her sad breath and turned blue, her
Life it soared out like a hawk
This story has come to an ending
A warning to each sweet young lass
Trust not ye the handsome young wizards, girls
They're cruel and they're vile and they're crass
They're cruel and they're vile and they're crass
They're cruel and they're vile and they're crass
Trust not ye the handsome young wizards, they're
Only out after your heart
Trashers' Drinking Song
by Stone
(tune of Good Night Irene)
chorus:
Down in the dungeon, down in the pit
The magic is broken, the dragon's dead
The walls are falling in
Last night we went trashing in a dungeon
We took some equipment so neat
A magic sledge hammer, a 12th level slammer
The walls they went down in defeat
chorus
The oak doors they split all asunder
The wandering monsters did quail
We grabbed an old dragon whose
eyelids were flaggin'
And jumped up and down on his tail
chorus
The walls they were broken like china
As we smashed things we grinned and had fun
And the whole world could see by our
actions that we
Took lessons from Attile the Hun.
Forward Kobolds to Final
Victory Over the Rapacious
Invasionistic Brigands
by Stone
(tune of March to Pretoria)
chorus
We are marching thruogh the dungeon
The dungeon
The dungeon
We are marching through the dungeon
And we'll march right over you
I'm a kobold, you're a kobold
And we will march together
And we will march together
And we will march together
I'm a kobold, you're a kobold
And we will march together
In victory through the depths
chorus
Slay the hero, zap the wizard
Protect the_ buried homeland
Protect the buried homeland
Protect the buried homeland
Slay the hero, zap the wizard
Protect the buried homeland
Victory is our cry
chorus
Hacking the hobbits is quite nifty
For we are brave and bold
For we are brave and bold
For we are brave and bold
Hacking hobbits is quite nifty
For we are brave and bold
And two hundred strong to boot
chorus
Magic swords deter us not
For we are fearless kobolds
For we are fearless kobolds
For we are fearless kobolds
Magic swords deter us not
For we are fearless kobolds
And we sneak up from behind
D&D Monsters' Drinking Song #2
by Stone
(to tune of Long Way to Tipperary)
There was a hero in the dungeon
And his name was Will Gold
He’d a sword arm like no other
He was handsome, he was bold
He’d led a group down for adventure
And they’d found it all about
Then they ran into a balrog nest and
Will began to shout
chorus
Don't slay the Momma balrog
Don't cut into her hide
Remember your own dear mother
And eschew all matricide
Don't molest her, don't annoy her
Have respect for motherhood
And remember while we're in this dungeon
That we're lawful, we're good
The balrogs fought the party
And the balrogs fought best
The D M checked the morale
And the party left the nest
Willie drew his great sword
And he stopped the shameful rout
The party rushed back in, and
Will once more did shout
chorus
The balrogs slew them all then
All except the brave Will
Of his forty-two hit points, he
Had but seven still
With the balrogs all about, he
Knew he’d soon be dead
He swung his magic sword, and
With his last breath, he said
chorus
SLAY THAT MOTHER BALROG
CUT APART HER HIDE
FORGET ABOUT YOUR MOTHER
UP WITH MATRICIDE
D&D Monsters' Drinking Song #3
by Stone
(tune of Farmer in the Dell)
chorus
The heros we run through
the elves and wizards too
Bingh khiad di viliack
And may they all turn blue
The cleric's name was Paul
He thought he's seen it all
Bingh khlad du viliack
We hit him with a wall
chorus
The hobbit tried to sneak
Just to take a peek
Bingh khlad di viliack
When you squeeze the kid he’ll shriek
chorus
The fighter had a sword
Named Mon Coeur du Nord
Bingh khlad di viliack
So we strangled him with cord
chorus
The wizard’s name was Jones
He had some magic bones
Bingh khlad di viliack
We ate him with our scones
chorus
make up verses as you go along
