1. Monster Summoning
2. Bigby's Insulting Hand
3. Wombat's Tiny Hut
4. Feign Death
5. Comprehend Languages
6. Tongues
7. Insect Plague
8. Summon Thunderstorm
9. Find the Path
10. Disappear
11. Purify Food
12. Commune

Why should magic-users and clerics have all the fun?
In our campaigns we have noticed a need for spells that
the average fighter or thief can use to help himself or
herself get along. At the same time, we realize that
allowing your average thief to defuse a trap by dropping a 4-dice fireball on it would seriously affect the
balance, purpose, and length of almost any campaign.

After some well-spent minutes of research and study,
we are ready to offer the following list of spells anyone
can use. And that means anyone — any player character or NPC. And, for that matter, some of them may have
applications in real life. (You do remember what real life
is like, don’t you?)

General Notes
Most of these spells allow a save vs. intelligence on
the part of the target (whomever or whatever the spell is
being cast against). Anything dumb enough to believe
in the effects of most of these spells deserves what it
gets. For most spells, the range, area of effect, and
duration are the same as for the magic-user or cleric
spells from which they are derived. All components
needed (material, verbal, or somatic) are mentioned in
the text description of the spells. These spells have
been arbitrarily designated as ½-level spells, since they
are less powerful than first-level spells but (in our considered opinion) better than no spells at all.

1.Monster Summoning 1/2
    This is about the most reliable spell of the lot. To
execute it, the caster must simply jump up and down,
waving his arms and shouting, “Yoo-hoo, beastie!
Come and get me!” The caster may also use a warm
beef roast as an added incentive to entice reluctant
monsters. An alternate form, usually employed against
fairly intelligent monsters, is to loudly declare, “Oh,
dear me. I simply don’t know how I’m ever going to
spend these eight thousand platinum pieces I brought
with me. Maybe I should get a new sword to rep/ace
mine, which I left at home. Whatever shall I do?”

2.Bigby's Insulting Hand
This magic is executed by yelling out to the intended
target, “Hey, you!” and then making some disparaging
remark about its ancestry while raising one hand (the
other had better be holding a weapon) and moving it in
the fashion of the derogatory gesture of your choice.
The target will probably become enraged and head
your way, in which case it would be a good idea to have
a Disappear ½ (q.v.) spell handy.

3.Wombat’s Tiny Hut
The material component of this spell is a neutral colored cloak. In the face of impending danger, the
caster drapes it over himself and does a credible imitation of a boulder.

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Don’t read this until you finish page 51!

4.Feign Death 1/2
This spell requires the use of a large white lily. To
effect the magic, the caster must stagger around the
room (or clearing, or whatever) saying such things as,
“Aargh, a touch, I do confess it! I fear I breathe my last!
Give my plate mail to Sis. Bury me not on the lone
prairie!” and so forth. When everyone has gotten the
point, and then some, the caster drops over on his back,
clutching the lily on his chest, and lies rigid. The duration of the spell depends on how long the caster can
stay rigid.

5.Comprehend Languages ½
This spell requires a copy of Stomper and Wombat’s
Official Multilingual Dictionary of Fantastic Tongues,
available anywhere in the multiverse at one of Stomper
and Wombat’s Panchronatic Multiversal Trading Posts,
usually 10 gp but on sale this week for only 5, step right
this way . . .

6.Tongues 1/2
This spell has no material component, although
props may be used to make one’s meaning more clear.
The caster simply speaks his piece in his normal
tongue, in a loud voice and with much emphasis and
much waving of arms. Example: “Whassa matter? No
speak-a da Common? Where’s the bath-room? You
know — roomo da batho?”

7.Insect Plague ½
The material component of this spell is a packed
picnic lunch. To cast the spell, the caster and several
friends must sit down to begin eating.

8.Summon Thunderstorm ½
The material component of this spell is a packed
picnic lunch. To cast the spell, the caster and several
friends must sit down to begin eating.

9.Find The Path ½
This spell requires a compass, a Boy Scout Handbook, and a set of local aerial reconnaissance maps,
available anywhere in the multiverse at one of Stomper
and Wombat’s Panchronatic Multiversal Trading Posts,
usually 15 gp but on sale this week for only 10, step
right this way . . .

10.Disappear 1/2
This spell requires the use of a well-broken-in pair of
shoes. The caster must point to a spot somwehere
behind the creature he is facing and say, “Don’t look
now, but there’s three dozen trolls and six ogres sneaking up behind you!” If the creature fails to save vs.
intelligence it will turn around, at which point the caster
calls out, “Feets, don’ fail me now!” and runs for the
nearest horizon while whistling the Looney Tunes
theme song.

11.Purify Food ½
This one is simple. All you need is a tin of black
pepper and a bottle of catsup. Everyone knows you can
eat anything if you put enough catsup and pepper on it.

12.Commune ½
Despite the fact that it seldom works, this is handy to
have as a last resort. The player (here representing his
character) kneels, clasps his hands, turns toward the
DM, and says, “Puh-leeeeeeze give me a hint!”