NEW
Front-end Alignments:
"Quasi-alignments of the people you game with"
by Rich Stump

The alignment system in the AD&D®
game is basically a good one; it details
certain aspects of each alignment, but it
doesn't get into specifics. We really don't
know what kinds of things a CG character may or may not do.

One thing that the AD&D game alignment
system is not very good for is trying
to label people (namely gamers) as being of
any certain alignment. It is hard to define
actions in everyday life as being ?good,?
?neutral? or ?evil,? and who would say that
he thought he was chaotic evil, anyway?
At best, we can only interpret the system

as we want to, and the AD&D game alignments
weren?t really made for this purpose
anyway.
The following system of 19 "quasialignments" has been designed for the
purpose of giving players alignments,
however stupid or absurd that may seem.
The alignments are based on how the
players act during gaming sessions and on
what kinds of things they do. Though the
alignments and what they cover are clearcut,
there probably are a few other "quasialignments" not yet covered by this
system.

The quasi-alignment system is divided
into Lawful, Chaotic, and Neutral alignments,
just like the AD&D game system. In
this system, Lawful means that players of
those alignments get involved in the game,
while Chaotics are detrimental to the game
as a whole. Neutrals fall anywhere
between. It is possible for a player to have
two or more alignments at once. Though
these alignments are really meant for
players, it is possible to classify characters
under them as well. How well this
arrangement works depends upon the
group in question. These alignments
should only be taken as seriously as you
want to take them.

Chaotic alignments

Chaotic Crybaby (CC): Players and characters
of this alignment are similar to
Neutral Woundwailers (q.v.), though they
are much more of a problem and are
particularly aggravating for Dungeon
Masters. While the latter complain mainly
about combat and combat-related portions
of the adventure, Chaotic Crybabies are
prone to outbursts on anything. If something
doesn?t go their way, you can bet
money that a Chaotic Crybaby will scream
and yell. Things which a person of this
alignment complains about include (but
are certainly not limited to): missed saving
throws, small amounts of experience
points or treasure, character injury, having
insufficient strength to break down a
door, and other game facets of lesser
importance.

Example 1: A Chaotic Crybaby player is
rolling up an elven character. All the rolls
are above average except for wisdom,
which is a 9. The player wails, saying that
he?ll never be able to survive with such a
low score.
Example 2: A Chaotic Crybaby?s thief is
attempting to pick a lock. When the PC?s
actions are unsuccessful, a moan issues
from the player about unfair DMs.

Chaotic Diehard (CD): These players and
their characters can be a great source of
pain for many DMs. Most Chaotic Diehards
are exceptionally good with dice and
can coax almost any number desired out
of them. Characters of these people almost
undoubtedly have one or more abilities
with 18s, with strength, dexterity, and
constitution being the abilities that have
such scores most of the time.

Chaotic Diehards are noted for foiling a
DM?s most intricate plans, such as saving
four times against the medusa?s gaze,
single-handedly wiping out eight orcs at
1st level, dicing up an illusionist while not
believing any of his spells, and so on. Some
Chaotic Diehards get carried away during
melee combat: It is not uncommon for
such a person to make attack rolls before
the DM asks him to do so, and he may
have a thing about always being the one to
roll the initiative die. Players who act in
this manner are also known as Chaotic
Hackers.

Chaotic Everywhere (CEv): These players
cause heartache to many a DM and player
alike. A Chaotic Everywhere tries to be
everywhere and do everything at once.
His PC is usually the first person in a room
when treasure is discovered and the first
out of a room if trouble occurs. Often,
such a player is impatient and is nearly
always a source of interruption -- especially
when the rest of the party is doing
something or the DM is describing more
than one object in a room.

Example: A group of adventurers containing
a Chaotic Everywhere character
comes upon a room that is set up like a
chemist's lab. The Chaotic Everywhere
moves all over the room, showing up
whenever another adventurer finds something
of interest. The person then tries to
do anything in the room that someone else
was planning to do. If the character in
question creates an explosion with some
chemicals, the player claims no damage
was taken because he ran at the first sign
of trouble.

The best way to get revenge on this type
of person is to get the whole party to
threaten the Chaotic Everywhere's character
with death, or for a DM to design an
enclosed room that floods when entered,
making sure that the Chaotic Everywhere
is the only one to go in.

Chaotic Hot-Shot (CHS): The Chaotic Hot-
Shot is a relatively common alignment, and
most players have either met or played in
an AD&D game with such an individual. A
person of this type of alignment is known
for chronic bragging. If given the chance,
such players will go on about ability
scores, hit points, armor class, and whatever
else until they're blue in the face.
Characters of this alignment usually make
enemies among the DM?s NPCs, and have
been known to die because of their ceaseless
braggadocio.

Example: A Chaotic Hot-Shot and a
friend are at a tavern, and both are drinking.
The hot-shot brags to his friend all
about his magic sword, his prize gem, his
fortune in silver, and his special shield.
The Chaotic Hot-Shot?s friend then buys
him two more drinks and tells him to
come outside when he is finished. The
?friend? is really an assassin who plans to
give the hot-shot an evening to remember,
assuming the PC lives through it.

Chaotic Stupid (CSt):

Characters of the
Chaotic Stupid and Lawful Idiot alignments
are alike in some ways, though not
in others. Where Lawful Idiots simply
make bad mistakes, Chaotic Stupids have
been known to actively seek out idiotic
things to do. Some of the actions performed
by these people are nearly suicidal
?actions that would cause even Conan to
hesitate. Chaotic Stupid characters may
make enemies in their adventuring party
and might be slaughtered by members of
the group for certain reasons. In one such
case, a Chaotic Stupid was slain by his
adventuring buddies because the character
always insulted monsters that could
wipe the party out. The PC in question
signed a death warrant for himself after
he shouted a few insults at a large and
nasty dragon.

Example: A Chaotic Stupid has his
money-pouch stolen and decides to give
chase. The thief runs down a flight of
steps into darkness. Not bothering to wait
for the rest of the adventurers, the PC
charges into the darkness ? only to find
out that he can?t see because he?s a human!
Shrugging off this setback, the character
proceeds into the gloom, gets lost in a
maze, and is riddled with arrows by a
friend of the very thief who stole his
pouch in the first place.

Chaotic Suicidal (CSu): A person of
Chaotic Suicidal alignment is one with an
obsession for killing his characters. A
player of this nature may go through four
or more characters in a month. This is
very frustrating for many DMs, as they
must now find a more stable player to
incorporate into the current adventuring
group. Sometimes a Chaotic Suicidal may
kill his character off for no apparent reason
at all; at times, the player simply tires
of his old character and desires another
one. Of course, the second example
doesn?t make any sense ? especially when
that character is killed off after reaching a
high level of experience, being knighted,
getting a powerful magical item, or other
related goals.

Depending upon what reason or reasons
the Chaotic Suicidal has for destroying his
character, the DM may not allow the character
to be done away with so easily. To
counter this, the Chaotic Suicidal goes on a
kamikaze rampage, attacking at every
opportunity until the character is slain.

Example 1: A Chaotic Suicidal with a 5thlevel
fighter is wandering around in a
large cave system. When the fighter gets
hit by a wight and loses an experience
level, the player complains briefly and
decides it is time to get a new character.
Consequently, the fighter jumps off the
next cliff he finds.

Example 2: A Chaotic Suicidal character
gets into a jam and is cornered by a pair of
very nasty fire giants. Though the giants
might be willing to ransom the character,
the PC decides instead to go out in a blaze
of glory by daring the giants to attack him
and throwing rocks at them until they
squash him.

Lawful alignments

Lawful Bored (LB): Players of the Lawful
Bored alignment are not very vocal.
Though they might be excellent players or
may have good ideas, they never get a
chance to present them because (from
their viewpoint) the rest of the group talks
too much or argues all the time. This
alignment can be linked to Lawful
Ignored, as the two may occur simultaneously
in the same individual. A player may
be bored and is thus ignored by the rest of
the group, or the player is ignored in the
first place and becomes bored. A Lawful
Bored person usually waits from 10 to 30
minutes for a chance to do something
important. In the meantime, he just sits in
a chair and listens to other people argue
about nothing. After this waiting period,
the person may instead get up and leave
the group. The rest of the players often
don?t even realize that the Lawful Bored
person has left.

Example: A party of adventurers containing
a Lawful Bored person stumbles
upon a large treasure hoard. While the
rest of the party immediately begins to
argue over the treasure, the Lawful Bored
character does nothing to get involved.
Ten minutes later, the Lawful Bored person
leaves the gaming room to raid the
refrigerator, and is not missed by the rest
of the party members until the next day,
when lots of precious victuals are discovered
missing.

Lawful Goody-Goody (LGG): This type of
player is a rare one. A Lawful Goody
Goody person is usually very nice and
never does mean or nasty (i.e., ?fun?)
things to other members of the party.
They are also the ?Champions of Justice,?
rescuing anyone in need, saving fair maidens,
and giving alms to the church or to
the poor. The Lawful Goody-Goody runs a
super example of a paladin and is really a
good guy to have around.

Example: A Lawful Goody-Goody?s PC
comes upon a small village which has
fallen upon hard times. After speaking
with the locals, the character finds out
that they are being unfairly governed by a
mean and evil mayor, who is also very
greedy. The Lawful Goody-Goody decides
to run the mayor out of the town and is
successful. He then gives the villagers
money from his own pockets so that they
can start over, declines a reward, and is
gone like the wind. (Sounds like a comicbook
hero, doesn?t he?)

Lawful Idiot (LId): This alignment is akin
to the Chaotic Stupid alignment. Though
they may be firm believers in law, these
players still seem to be "barefoot in the
head," as Brian Aldiss might say. A person
of this alignment may not do the bizarre
things that a Chaotic Stupid character
would, but they may do other things: for
example, telling the owner of a gambling
house in front of the patrons that his
games are fixed, or walking into the local
Thieves? Guild and demanding to fight the
?head crook.? The difference between this
and Chaotic Stupid usually lies in the fact
that the Lawful Idiot is acting on the general
intent of the group (?But you told me
the games were fixed, and you wanted to
do something about it! We?re paladins,
right??), while the Chaotic Stupid isn?t (?I
don?t care what you want! I feel like telling
him off!?). Sometimes a Lawful Idiot accidentally
does something right and
becomes a hero (?You mean he ran away
just because I told him he was cheating
people??), but this isn?t common.

Lawful Ignored (LIg): A person of this alignment
is either extremely laid-back or an NPC.

These players usually wind up in
the back ranks of an adventuring group
and don?t do much. However, if a serious
problem comes up, the Lawful Ignored
person can be counted on to pull through
and help the rest of the group. For exam
ple, a cleric may be asked to heal the
whole party after a fight in which they
were nearly killed. A thief might have to
disarm a trap, or a magic-user may have to
knock open a door. Of course, the Lawful
Ignored person is sent right back to the
rear of the party after performing their
function. When a Lawful Ignored person
isn?t directly involved in the action, they
often get away from the group to play
cards or do something else the others
won?t notice. This turn of events may
cause some players to also become Lawful
Bored in addition to Lawful Ignored.
When the person is needed but is not
there, a catastrophe is sure to occur.

Example: A Lawful Ignored magic-user
with measly hit points is the main source
of missile power for a group, as he can
cast fireballs, lightning bolts, and other
destructive spells. A group of orcs
ambushes the magic-user?s party in a
mountain pass one day. The fighters in the
party hold back, waiting for a fireball to
cook the orcs. When one doesn?t come, the
party finds out that the magic-user?s player
has disappeared because he didn?t have
anything to do. The DM rules that the
magic-user was shot full of orc arrows and
is unconscious. The orcs charge and hack
up the adventurers.

Lawful Liar (LL): Though this sounds
like an alignment for law and order, any
PC of a normal AD&D game alignment
may be, knowingly or unknowingly, a
Lawful Liar. (If the ?L? from ?Lawful? is
removed, a person of this alignment is
exposed as an Awful Liar, which is usually
what they are.) This player or character is
not a teller of falsehoods; instead, he or
she is constantly out of line with any professed
alignment or class.

deal of conceit. The paladin also resorts to
violence to solve day-to-day problems
(sound familiar?).
Example 2: A druid of neutral alignment
is played by a Lawful Liar. She acts in a
totally Chaotic fashion, doing things by
whim and not caring whether or not the
?balance of nature? is kept. A lot of her
motivation is built upon the possible gain
of treasure, and she gives little thought to
conservation of the wooded areas in the
region. She also spends much time in
dungeons and other underground places,
rather than in the outdoors of which she
is supposedly an intricate part. On top of
that, she rarely visits her home base and
does not give worship to nature except in
dire circumstances. These types of people
are extremely annoying to DMs, other
players, and of course, the deities themselves.
A good way to solve problems
created by this character involves having a
deity or deity?s servant chew them out,
demanding reform on pain of death (or
worse).

Lawful Serious (LS): Anyone of the Lawful
Serious alignment really knows how to
play DUNGEONS & DRAGONS® games.
Rather than being silly or doing stupid
things, the person creates a character to
be role-played differently than prior characters.
He aims to have a good time, as
well as to get things accomplished when
the group meets to play. Many DMs
(including myself) feel that this kind of
person is one of the best to game with. As
long as the player does not take the game
too seriously, this is one of the best alignments
there is.

Neutral alignments

Neutral Absent (NA): A person of Neutral
Absent alignment is, for one reason or
another, always unable to attend gaming
sessions, but always wants experience and
treasure for the day. These players are
known for calling up a DM and asking to
have their character run as an NPC. If the
Neutral Absent player is not too busy, the
person might call up three or four times
for an update on what is going on. After
many calls of this sort, a DM may feel like
telling the Neutral Absent person that he
can go to the ninth level of one of the
Lower Planes. These people have a knack
for getting on everyone?s nerves.

Example: A group of friends are playing
the D&D game one day when the Neutral
Absent player of the group calls up to say
that he is busy and cannot come. The
player then asks the DM to run his character
as an NPC. A half hour later, the Neutral
Absent player calls back for an
update. After four such calls, the DM tells
the person that the rest of the group killed
three dragons and is now swimming in a
sea of treasure, but the Neutral Absent
player?s fighter got fried. Of course, the
DM is lying, but the player doesn?t know
that.

Neutral Confused (NC): A player of this
alignment walks around in a daze 98% of
the time. Neutral Confused players are the
ones who come into a room, look around,
then ask where the exits are. Magic-users
who act in this manner are notoriously
unreliable, for they do not decide what
spell should be cast until all of the opponents
are dead. A fighter of this alignment
may attack an enemy even after the foe is
down, or attack his own party by mistake.
Jester players who are Neutral Confused
screw up their jokes and puns so badly
that they are rendered useless. Sometimes
this person even forgets what has been
done by their character in that play session,
and thus repeats his actions. A good
example of this is a Neutral Confused
person who looks in a closet four times
while searching a room.

Example: A party containing a Neutral
Confused character comes upon a chamber
outfitted like a bedroom. After a quick
search reveals a secret door, the party
decides to go through it. The Neutral
Confused character is left behind, totally
oblivious to what is going on. He searches
around in the room, but finds nothing of
value. At that moment, the rest of the
party comes speeding back through the
secret door yelling to the Neutral Confused
character to get out of the room.
The Neutral Confused character asks what
the problem is and watches everyone run
out of the chamber without moving. Turning
to face the secret door, he sees a huge
tunnel worm enter the room.
 

Neutral Dietosser (ND): This alignment is
similar to Chaotic Diehard in that both
involve die-rolling. Neutral Dietossers,
however, are those unfortunate people
who have lots of dice but are never able to
roll well with them or get the numbers
that they want. A Neutral Dietosser may
get very upset with his dice; at this point,
the player begins tossing dice over his
shoulder or at other people. If such a
player lofts enough dice into the air, the
person may be subdued by the DM or by
other players (depending on who is sitting
closest to the Dietosser).

Example: A Neutral Dietosser is very
upset at his last few ?to hit? rolls, as none
of them were higher than 12. The player
then announces to the group that unless
his dice roll well, they will be tossed to
new locations. By the end of the gaming
session, the Neutral Dietosser has thrown
dice 52 times and has lost six of them
forever.

Neutral Montyhaul (NM): This extremely
popular alignment is the favored choice of
hundreds of players. Those individuals
under this alignment are always in the
race for the "bestest with the mostest!" If a
player falls under the hold of this alignment,
look out! Examples of Neutral Montyhaul
characters are all too common, but
here are a few: a fighter who has a sword
+10; shield +10, and field plate armor
+20; a 4,000th-level magic-user or cleric; a
character with an intergalactic battle
cruiser; a fighter with a sword that does
400 hp of damage to any target; and, a

gambling thief who has an unlimited supply
of 1,000,000 gp gems. If you ever run
into one of these types, it is best to leave
as quickly as possible. Some campaigns
have been known to drift under this alignment
and vanish into nothingness.

Neutral Puppet (NP): A person who is a
Neutral Puppet does not have a brain and
cannot think for himself. These players
always follow another member of their party
around and do whatever that indi-
vidual does (except during combat -- they usually
try to hide at this point). Neutral
Puppets can get to be extremely annoying, Neutral Self-Centered is at the center of
especially when they follow another
annoying player, which often leads to
idiotic actions being done twice over.

Example: A Neutral Puppet has grown
attached to a Chaotic Suicidal character.
When the Chaotic Suicidal decides to jump
into a vat of acid for no reason whatsoever,
the Neutral Puppet copies the gesture.
When a Neutral Puppet gets
involved with people like this, you can bet
that the person will not have a very successful
gaming life.

Neutral Self-Centered (NSC): A Neutral
Self-Centered person believes that the
world revolves around him and expects
everyone else to act in accordance with
this belief. When a person of this alignment
doesn?t get his way, screams of protest
may occur (see Chaotic Crybaby and
Neutral Woundwailer). A major belief of
this alignment is that all is well with the
world if all is well with the Neutral Self-
Centered person. Some characters of this
alignment may believe themselves to be
super-powered and unstoppable, but their
bubble bursts soon enough.

Example: A party containing a Neutral
Self-Centered cleric encounters a group of
trolls and gives battle. They win, at the
cost of three characters being badly
wounded and another one going to zero
hit points. The cleric, who was not injured
in the melee, decides that no one else
needs aid, as he is healthy. The player (and
his character) may be sent to the hospital
by angry gamers, which may be unavoidable
at this point due to a history of past
occurrences like this one.

Neutral Woundwailer (NW): A player
who is a Neutral Woundwailer has a
strange susceptibility to injury and thus
cannot let his characters take damage. He
believes that a powerful force field should
protect his PCs from bodily harm and that
the DM is always out to get them. If a
Neutral Woundwailer's character is nailed
for even one hit point of damage, you can
bet money that there will be trouble. One
strange thing about Neutral Woundwailers
is that they usually have high hit points
but would rather stay in the back of the
party and let everyone else get beaten up.

Example: A Neutral Woundwailer meets
a band of 10 hobgoblin guards. After
drawing his trusty sword and hacking up
six of them, the fighter is hit twice for 5
hp damage. The player jumps up immediately,
yelling obscenities at the DM and

Alignment diagram notes
The quasi-alignment system is set up like
a wheel rotating around a hub. The farther
away from the hub that an alignment is
, the more extreme the behavior of people
of that alignment.

Neutral Self-Centered is at the center of
the wheel since everything supposedly
rotates around it (at least according to those
of this alignment). The Neutral Crybaby and
Neutral Woundwailer go hand in
hand for obvious reasons. The Chaotic Diehard
is a more devout die-roller than the
Neutral Dietosser, though both
are related.

While Neutral Montyhauls are basically
interested in getting everything they can,
Chaotic Everywheres want to get everything,
do everything, and see everything.
The Chaotic Hot-Shot alignment seems to
be in a class of its own ? one that isn?t
really related to any other alignment.
Many people of a different alignment wish
the Chaotic Hot-Shots were in a world of
their own, but that?s another story.
Neutral Puppet is related to two alignments:
Lawful Idiot and Chaotic Stupid.
This makes sense, since those of the foremost
alignment have no brains and can?t
help but follow others around. If the person
has a brain, however, their tendencies
usually shift toward Law or Chaos,
although they continue to perform stupid
actions regardless. Chaotic Stupid is
related to Chaotic Suicidal because both
alignments are ridiculous in the first place
and have high character death tolls.
Lawful Goody-Goody is vaguely related
to Lawful Idiot because being so good is
seen by many to be quite idiotic in the first
place. Lawful Goody-Goodies claim to have
nothing to do with Lawful Idiots, but
many believe that they do, so the connection
stands. Lawful Serious is tied in with
Lawful Goody-Goody, and both alignments
uphold the tradition of Law. Lawful Serious
is one of the two quasi-alignments that
normal AD&D game alignments from the
PH can claim; Lawful Liar
is the other one. The latter alignment sits
all by itself, as the Liars claim to be any
alignment but are usually the opposite of
their claims. Neutral Confused may be
related to Lawful Liar, but those of the
latter alignment aren't in a daze and seem
to know what they're doing.
Neutral Absent has some ties with Lawful
Ignored and Lawful Bored, as all three
alignment types may be absent from a
gaming session at various times. However,
the two Lawful alignments have very
strong ties (see Lawful Bored and Lawful
Ignored).

*     *    *    *

OUT ON A LIMB

To the average wargamer, regardless of his area
of interest, the entertainment or pleasurable aspect
as well as the serious side of the subject is simply a
matter of balance. This balance is prejudiced of
course, by the background of the individual wargamer
and his personal likes and dislikes. 

There is, of course, more to it than that. The
average fan, especially the beginner, is generally exposed
to three main characters in the wargaming society.

First there is the So-So fan (Not a new D&D
Sub-class) who has only marginal interest in the field
but seems to wish equal ‘status’ as it were, with all
other fans. Attempts by the So-So to oversimplify
games and repeated complaints about the complexity
of games and game systems are symptomatic of
these persons. However, their interest, minimal
though it may be, should be considered and if possible,
accommodated, if for no other reason than to
help maintain a broad based and extensive support
for all wargaming so as to promote expansion of the
war and fantasy gaming field. Courtesy and helpfulness
are never misplaced, even, or especially, to nitpickers. 

A second character in wargaming society is the
Fanatic (Not a religious sub-class). This nut cannot
seem to live without wargaming of some type, which
in itself is certainly good. But he cannot seem to tolerate
anyone else who might have a different attitude.
You simply should not put someone else down because
they don’t feel as you do. A Fanatic is certainly
entitled to his opinion but he shouldn’t force it
down your throat. A Fanatic can actually drive wargaming
beginners away by being overbearing. The
worst possible example is the Fanatic DM, who
should have a place in the game (D&D) as an evil
monster. A DM who makes a newcomer feel welcome,
such as MASTER MAGE ALLEN HAMMACK
of Birmingham can make a convert by 
simply letting them enjoy themselves.

A third character met by the newcomer is the
Money Monster. These dudes are so commercially
inclined that wargaming fun gets lost in the financial
manipulations.

It should be noted here that the ‘founders’ of
modern American wargaming, TSR and associates
have maintained what seems to me a high quality
operation and still have kept their business in a prosperous
and expanding state, much to the delight and
long range pleasure of their fans. Without groups
such as TSR the world of wargaming would soon die
a slow ‘communications’ death.

A final point to be made is that for most of us,
wargaming is a pleasure, a hobby. We tend to become
very dedicated to it as most of us realize, and
the involvement can be quite serious. The exercise of
the body is important, as we have long known, but
the exercise of the mind is just as necessary. Tactical
and strategic operations, planning, quick response
development, study of history and above these, imagination
and a liberal dose of mathematics make a
superb mental exercise program, healthy for any individual.
Obviously wargaming fits that particularly
interesting set of parameters exactly. The fact that
you can have a ball as well, sits as icing on an extremely
tasty cake. 

In the final analysis, the beginner should be
helped and encouraged, for the good of us all. The
expert should expand and not allow himself to become
bored, either with his hobby or fellow hobbyperson.
The wargaming field is wide-open and depends
upon its individual members, Fanatic, Expert,
beginner or whichever, to expand and grow properly.
Therefore in the immortal words of Commander
Spock of the Starship Enterprise, 

“LIVE LONG AND PROSPER”
GARRY F. SPIEGLE 
(The Dragon #5)