Bazaar of the Bizarre
Magical items for a less-than-serious NPC
by E. Paul Tobin


 
Advanced Dungeons & Dragons Magic Items - Dragon Dragon 134
Blowgun of wild emotions Exalted book of ethnic humor Extendable band of enjoyment Larynx of deafening Magical paddleboards
Paddleboard of wondrous trans formation Random-target daggers Playthings of the Roller Hoopers Skates of the Roller Hoopers Hoola-hoop of the Roller Hoopers
Tome of the fool Tome of the humorous perspective Yo-yo of Fate - -
-
The jester NPC class appeared in
DRAGON® issue #60 and was reprinted in
the Best of DRAGON® Magazine Anthology,
volume IV, pages 21-23. Magical items for
jesters are often quite unpredictable, as is
only fitting. Unfortunately (at least from
the jester?s point of view), these items are
also quite rare, typically being in the possession
of other high-level jesters or in the
private collections of the rich and powerful.
The DM should see to it that the
powers of such items, especially such
items as the paddleboard of wondrous
transformation or blowgun of wild emotions,
are kept secret. The DM can also
come up with his own ideas for weird
magical items, but all such items should be
introduced only for everyone?s enjoyment.

Blowgun of wild emotions
This item is a blowgun 3½? in length,
made of a light, strong, blue metal similar
to mithral. At unpredictable times the
metal changes color, sometimes glowing or
even growing fur or scales. None of these
changes affect the powers of the blowgun.
Its range is normal for a blowgun, as per
Unearthed Arcana, page 28. Only seven
such blowguns exist.

Any dart fired from one of these blowguns
is briefly enchanted to cause emotional
changes in the creature struck by it.
When a creature is hit by such a dart, roll
on the following chart for the dart?s effect:
 
1d100 Effect
1-10 Envy
11-20 Greed
21-30 Pride
31-40 Hatred
41-50 Paranoia
51-60 Love
61-70 Sloth
71-80 Euphoria
81-90 Sadness
91-00 Lust

This item affects any being with an
intelligence of 5 or greater who fails a
saving throw vs. spells after being struck.
Darts fired from this blowgun do no physical
damage. A jester is automatically proficient
in the use of this (and only this)
blowgun. Only one dart may be fired per
round, and only one emotion can affect a
being at any one time. The duration of
effect of these emotions is one turn. PCs
struck by these darts should be roleplayed
to an extreme; while these emotional
effects have no real game effect, they
can create remarkable role-playing situations.
Anyone other than a jester who uses
this item finds that it functions as a normal
blowgun.

XP Value: 100
GP Value: 500
 

Exalted book of ethnic humor

This 9? X 12? tome is leatherbound and
appears to be quite thin. It is a magical
study of insulting comments and gestures
that a jester can make toward all known
intelligent races and creatures. The jester
need merely state the race that he wishes
to insult and open the book to receive the
information. The jester using this item
must fluently speak the creature?s language
(or a mutually known one) in order
to properly insult it. The insulted creature
must save vs. spells or else have a 90%
chance of being filled with magical shame,
causing the creature to flee and hide for
2-12 rounds. There is a 10% chance that
the taunting enrages any listener of the
appropriate species, causing it to chase the
jester regardless of other circumstances in
an attempt to attack the jester in hand-tohand
combat. The enraged victim makes
all attacks and saving throws at -2 from
his blind, all-consuming rage. Only a jester
may read and understand this book.

XP Value: 250
GP Value: 1,250

Extendable band of enjoyment
This device is an iron rod 18" in length
with a hand mounted on the end. The
hand is wrapped in leather and feels
warm. The hand is also jointed as a normal
hand, and can grasp objects like a
normal hand with 18 (nonpercentile)
strength upon mental command, so long
as it is held by a jester. In addition, the rod
can extend up to 30? at the jester?s mental
command, without gaining any weight.
The jester can mentally create two different
joints (or elbows as it were) in the rod
wherever he wishes. The extendable hand
can be used to pick pockets at the same
chances for success as the jester using it
has, but it cannot catch hurled objects.

XP Value: 300
GP Value: 1,500
 

Larynx of deafening
This item appears as a small patch of
leatherlike material, approximately 2? X
4?. When placed against the throat of a
jester, it adheres to his skin and magically
blends so as to be indistinguishable from
the jester?s throat. A jester with this magical
larynx attached is able to yell at incredible
volume. Furthermore, the yell is both
audible and understandable at up to three
miles distance. Anyone within an enclosed
space 100? across or less who hears this
shout (with no solid interposing barriers)
must save vs. spells or be deafened for
3-30 turns; the jester is immune to this
effect. The larynx is removable.
XP Value: 250
GP Value: 1,250
 

Magical paddleboards
Although magical paddleboards come in
a variety of types, all look like normal
paddleboards. Such a paddle is 1' long and
made of wood, thus being quite susceptible
to fire damage but never from impact
damage (such as from falling, or normal or
crushing blows). The string appears to be
made from interwoven sinews, and the
paddleball is usually an opaque crystal
that is resilient and nearly indestructible.
Only jesters may use these items.  When a
magickal paddleboard is found, roll upon
the Paddleboard Table to determine its
powers.

Table 1
Paddleboard Table
1d100 Paddleboard Range Restrictions XP Value GP Value
1-60 +1 5' - 50 250
61-75 +2 10' - 100 500
76-83 +3 15' Usable by jesters of 3rd level and above 150 750
84-90 +4 20' Usable by jesters of 6th level or above 200 1,000
91-95 +5 20' Usable by jesters of 9th level or above 275 1,375
96-99 +5 25' Usable by jesters of 11th level or above 290 1,450
00 +6 30' Usable by jesters of 13th level or above 300 1,500

Magickal paddleboards can be used to
batter opponents up to 3 times per
round, using either the paddle or the ball.
The damage caused per hit equals 1 HP
+ the magickal bonus of the paddleboard
and the jester's strength bonus, if any.
These items can become quite deadly in
the right hands!  Once per round, a jester
can attempt to stun a human, demi-human,
or humanoid foe with his paddleboard or
paddleball.  The base chance for
success if a hit is made 5%, modified by
+2% for every magickal plus of the weapon
and +1% per jester level.

The sinew thongs are normally 1? long,
lengthening magically to their full range
during use. The range given for each
paddleboard cannot be exceeded by any
means, and paddleboard strings are impossible
to cut.

Paddleboard of wondrous trans formations
This paddleboard appears much the
same as other magical paddleboards, but it
holds much more power. Sometimes it will
have the form of an animal or monster
carved on the back of the paddle. The
paddleboard of wondrous transformation
may strike once per round at a range of
up to 15', its sinew cord stretching in the
same manner as other magical paddleboards.
When struck, a target creature
takes no damage but must save vs. polymorph
or else be polymorphed into a new
being of some sort for a duration of 6
turns.  All items the victim possesses ar e
polymorphed into that shape as well.  The
affected being (if the new form allows)
retains all spell-casting and fighting
powers, and undergoes no CHANGE(Uriah Heep) in
personality, knowledge, or intelligence.  No
innate powers of the new form are gained,
except for those normally gained by the
use of a polymorph self spell.  This paddleboard
is a dangerous weapon, for it is
impossible to predict what shape the
affected creature will assume.  When a
creature is struck, consult the Paddleboard
of Wondrous Trans formations Table.

A particular creature may be polymorphed
only once per day. No systemshock
roll need be made by the victim. In
some forms, all the victim?s previous
powers are lost for the duration of the
transformation; for instance, even a 20th.
level mage is nearly helpless as a rot grub,
having no hands, mouth, or components
with which to cast spells.

It goes without saying that the paddleboard
of wondrous transformation is not
always a wise weapon to use. Turning
your opponent into a purple worm during
a bar fight is considered bad form by the
other patrons. This is a weapon that
works only in the hands of a jester.

Table 2
Paddleboard of Wondrous Trans formations Table
1d100 Creature
1-2 Piercer
3-4 Leucrotta
5-6 Wight
7-8 Purple worm
9-10 Iron golem
11-12 Orc
13-14 Giant centipede
15-16 Blink dog
17-18 Hydra (8-headed)
19-20 Frost giant
21-22 Will-o-wisp
23-24 Catoblepas
25-26 Giant fire beetle
27-28 Subterranean lizard
29-30 Nightmare
31-32 Copper dragon
33-34 Bronze dragon
35-36 Elder titan
37-38 Lizard man
39-40 Gargoyle
41-42 Giant poisonous snake
43-44 Giant slug
45-46 Ki-rin
47-48 Ogre
49-50 Shadow
51-53 Elf
54-55 Otyugh
56-58 Hobbit
59-60 Hill giant
61-62 Rust monster
63-64 Lich
65-66 Giant weasel
67-68 Minotaur
69-70 Troll
71-72 Type II demon
73-74 Umber hulk
75-76 Vampire
77-78 Carrion crawler
79-80 Black pudding
81-82 Rot grub
83-84 Storm giant
85-86 Troglodyte
87-88 Anhkheg
89-90 Brown mold
91-92 Gorgon
93-94 Beholder
95-96 Medusa
97-98 Mind flayer
99 Skeleton
00 DM's choice

XP Value: 3,000
GP Value: 15,000
 
 

Random-target daggers
These normal, if somewhat exquisite,
throwing daggers are +2 to hit and damage,
and function normally if used in
hand. There is a catch: If thrown, the
daggers pick their own targets. Whenever
thrown, everyone within a range of 3?
(including the jester) is counted as a potential
target, up to a maximum of the 20
closest creatures. An appropriate die is
then rolled to randomly determine the
target. The usual steps for ?to hit? determination
are then followed. To most people,
these daggers would seem evil or cursed,
but they are weapons which jesters love in
their own mischievous ways. Random
target daggers are usually found in groups
of three.

XP Value: 200 each
GP Value: 1,000 each

Playthings of the Roller Hoopers

These objects have been handed down
through the generations for hundreds of
years. They are a pair of roller skates and
a hula hoop, both hot pink in color. If
found, the DM should describe these
objects without giving away their true
titles or functions, as adventurers don't
know what these objects are. Both items
are unique.

Skates of the Roller Hoopers
Any jester wearing these skates can
move at a rate of 24" over any surface
(water, mud, stairs going down, etc.) --
even over walls or ceilings. When doing
so, a strange, soft sound may be heard -
one that resembles the purring of a giant
cat (it's the whirring of the skates). These
function as normal skates for anyone else.

XP Value: 3,000
GP Value: 15,000

Hula-hoop of the Roller Hoopers
Once this hula-hoop is set in motion, it
can only be stopped by the jester using it.
The hula-hoop cannot be grasped, and it
has AC -2 and 35 hp if it is attacked by
an opponent of the jester using that hoop.
The hoop unerringly deflects incoming
missiles as if the jester had a protection
from normal missiles spell cast upon him.
Additionally, the hoop blocks 10 hp of
magic missiles cast against the jester per
round, and reduces all damages from
giant-hurled boulders and seige-engine
missiles by half if they strike the jester.
Damage-causing spells with areas of effect
(like fireballs) can penetrate the hoop?s
defense to harm the jester, but even their
damage is reduce by 1 hp per die of damage.
Harmful gases are dispelled within 5?
of the jester using this hoop. When the
hoop performs these functions, it moves
so fast as to become a blur. In addition to
these powers, the hoop also deflects an
opponent?s handheld weapons to such a
degree that the hoop is the equal of bracers
of defense AC 2 in effect.

If both the skates and hula-hoop are
owned, the combined effect of using these
two objects is to add another + 1 to the
jester?s initiative die roll.

XP Value: 6,000
GP Value: 30,000

Tome of the fool
In the hands of anyone but a jester, this
book is a 9? X 12? leatherbound book of
approximately 100 pages.  In the hands of a
jester, the tome of the fool radiates a hot-pink
glow that is visible for up to 100
yards around.

By careful study of this tome over 1
month, a jester may gain enough XP
to place him at the midpoint of
the next level of experience.  The tome
works only once before disappearing, and
that jester may never again utilize any
tome of this sort.  Any person other than a
jester who reads this book immediately
becomes a Wit (no saving
throw allowed).

XP Value: 8,000
GP Value: 40,000
 

Tome of the humorous perspective
This book looks exactly the same as the
tome of the fool, and it is usable only by
jesters. Like the tome of the fool, anyone
who is not a jester and who reads it immediately
becomes a Wit.

When read, this book enables a jester to
attain a different outlook on things ? one
in which death and other morbid topics
are merely punch lines in the great game
of life. The jester, because of his calm
control of the situation, receives an extra
+ 10% modifier to his morale-changing
ability (special ability #6 in the description
of the jester NPC class in the Best of
DRAGON® Magazine Anthology <IV>). The same
jester may cast friends and charm person
once per day in addition to his normal
spell-casting abilities. Finally, the reader of
this tome is forever immune to emotionchanging
spells involving fear, hate,
despair, discord, hopelessness, and rage, as
received from symbols or emotion spells.

XP Value: 4,000
GP Value: 20,000
 

Yo-yo of fate
This yo-yo looks like a normal yo-yo of a
bright cherry-red color whose string
glows faint yellow. This magical yo-yo
adds a + 1 to all of a jester's saving throws
and +2% to all normal jester abilities
when carried by that jester. Most of the
time, it functions as a normal yo-yo. However,
when the jester desires, the yo-yo
allows its owner to alter fate during the
course of a day. A particular 1d20 die roll,
made for that jester?s combat or savingthrow
purposes, is chosen and altered (but
only before the roll is made). The jester
then uses his yo-yo to ?get lucky.? When
used to alter fate, the yo-yo?s string permanently
shortens by 1? for every + 1 bonus
added to the die roll to be altered. Note
that the yo-yo of fate does not guarantee
that a die roll will succeed; it merely adds
to the chance involved. The yo-yos come
with strings of various lengths. When such
a yo-yo is found, roll on this chart:
 
1d100 String Length
1-60 3"
61-80 5"
81-90 9"
91-95 13"
96-98 17"
99-00 20"

If such a yo-yo?s string is too short to
permit the size of the die-roll bonus asked
for (e.g., a 2? string cannot allow a +5
bonus on a die roll), then the yo-yo grants
the maximum bonus it can allow (in the
above case, a +2 bonus) and vanishes
forever. No jester can use or own more
than one such yo-yo at a time.

GP Value: 6,000 per inch
XP Value: 500 per inch
 

JUNE 1988